K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
