just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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