Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
