Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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