Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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