alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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