i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
