I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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