I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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