everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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