I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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