the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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