In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
