My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
