I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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