Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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