So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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