I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
