I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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