this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
