Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
