There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
