roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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