at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
