I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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