Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
