i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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