Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
