When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
