Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who died my cat blue again?
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