I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
