so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
