I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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