Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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