Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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