Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
