Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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