its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
