i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
