I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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