Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
