i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
