There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
