like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
