i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
