Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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