can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
