so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ugly people sure do ruin things
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
