Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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