I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
