my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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