woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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