Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
