It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
