Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
