Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
