Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
