ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
