Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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