No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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