I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
