My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He better not be in your backpack
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
