U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
