so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
