that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
