Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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