just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
