you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
