Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
