She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
