I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
