omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
