just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
