Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
