did you get engaged???
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
