my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
