just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
