Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
