When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
