no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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